Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
