I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
