yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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