I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The beer is more important than you right now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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