I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
