you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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