hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
