thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
