I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
