What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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