Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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