you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize