We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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