that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
