I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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