I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
