Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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