I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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