You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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