How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
