im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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