i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
