So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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