Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
