Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
