Your tits are I can't wait for
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
