This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
