You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize