i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
