Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
