This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
