jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
