I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
