how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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