First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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