I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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