im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
