So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
