I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize