So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize