I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
