You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
