the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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