i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
