Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
