pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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