i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
