So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
