you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize