if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
only you would photoshop your dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
