no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize