i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
