i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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