I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
