your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
