so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AM VODKA MAN
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
