The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
