Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
