I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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