BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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