id be glad to
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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