you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
