Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
